One year passed since the darkest night of my life. .. It was a long year though and very painful at times.... I remember each and every moment of this year when I just remembered you like everything.  You know today I again cried like hell. Couldn't go to hospital,  couldn't do anything the whole day....
I just spent the whole day wondering around alone at places once you were with me.
U know I regret sometimes that why I fought with you after knowing the reality... I should have quit on everything the moment I came tk know about your lie but it was the intense love which didn't let me do that...
My love didn't allowed me to give up on you.. and still you know today I am just thinking about you and your love.
You must be thinking how Chipko I am that am not ready to quit on you... but you k ow I had quit on you.  I knew you are not coming back ever. I know you are happy with your life and people in it....
I was never a part of your life. I was just a no one whom you use to talk...I was just a girl... just an ordinary girl you know.
Some days back I went into some resturant and I saw you there... That time my intense wish was that I can keep watching you but you left from there.
I dont know how to write my feelings, how to tell myself what I felt for you and still feeling.
I wish I could let you knoe these feelings ever... I wish you came across this accidentally and feel that its only for you... I wish you ever regret of losing me....
I just wanted to tell you that I love you like everything. .. and I just loved you... ONLH YOU....
I know the level of misunderstandings you had about me whatever wrong and pathetic I did in passing months...That was all revenge in my mind. I wanted to destroy your family and you but look I couldn't do. Again LOVE for you weighs up then HATE for whatever you did to me.
Life is so cruel J*** it took you from me, it snatched all my happinwss and joys from me. It gave me may things but in return took you from me.  You know I begged many times for you... I never know what wrong was with this love....
But if I say that it was not actually love then why still I can't forget you.. why still I just think about you and you. Why I couldn't marry inspite of pressure from family...
How this love can be a LIE for which am ready to sacrifice my everything...
I wish this date to come again in any coming year and you are with me and I will just forget that something very bad had happened that day....
I STILL JUST WANT YOU WITH ME.. COME BACK YAR...

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wound remain. In time the mind, protecting its sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens.... But it is never gone....
Thats what happenning now... Time is passing day by day and intensity of pain is decreasing but in all these times there comes a moment when a single memory take me back instantly to you and takes a huge effort to free myself from that moment....
I have heard that when remembering is done, the forgetting begins... but hard is to remember things n hardest is to forget them.. But somethings have to be forgotten if we want to go on living as in my case its YOU...
U know am done with everything.  I did compromise my self respect, my respect, my everything even myself.... I even put myself at stake. In hands of your family.. Whenever I use to think what I was going to do make me embarrassed of it...
Those days it was only revenge which was in my mind... I just wanted to destroy you by incorporating in your life.. I was not even thinking myself or my parents...
But that time also passed.. THANKS to ALLAH he showed me a path and it took me out of the situation....But it left its scars... SCARS which aches sometimes and pain me to death..
You are still the one who gained access to my heart... I couldn't let anyone make any place in my life... I sometimes remember the days I use to think that I will die without you.. I still remember that I even experienced breathlessness and my colleagues use to took me to emergency.... I remember the unbearable pain which was enough to kill me. ...
But look am alive although not happy but Alive and one thing i did realised life never stops for anyone as time doesn't let it do that...
I wish to let it go...

It was Valentine day yesterday... A day every lover wanted to spend with his beloved.. A day when people say there is Love everywhere.. I too once wished for  it... Once I too wished to spend a beautiful and  lovely valentine with you... 
There was a lot of imagination about the valentine day.. whenever I thought about it now I feel how crazy I was in love with you...
Yeah that was a crazy LOVE... That was a blind love.. I never loved anyone in my life that much even myself...
People say live is a waste of time.. I agree it is as I spend the whole day yesterday wondering around in search of you...
You know what i was longing for... just a glimpse of you... I passed through that roads where you used to be with me alot of time and everytime something was stopping me.. Everything there was telling me that you are not here anymore... you are gone.. But you know my childish heart still so crazy.. its just remembering you and you and you....
There was nothing else with me whole day except your memories.. and then I felt how much torturing these memories are... Then I felt first time that loving you was the biggest mistake I ever made.. Making you everything of life was a blunder...
You moved on... you are happy with your life.. you enjoying your life and I know you had not even thought about me in last passing months... But see am still there at that edge where you left... I couldnt able to move on...
People around  me ask me to move on with life... They say that I have a lot of opportunities... They say that I never deserved you instead I deserved alot better than you and that is SINCERITY and TRUE LIVE which you never gave me...
I feel like broken whenever I thought that I was a time pass for you... you never loved me... But then I remember everything... How can be that craziness a lie.. How can be that Love a lie...  That was somewhat true at its time... And thats a hope which kept me loving you in all these past months and it will keep me loving you untill the trust on that broken... And I wish that trust to be never broken as I want to love you untill my last breath...
Happy Valentine day My love...